August 12, 2013
Selection Committee
Sir Joshua Kelson Harem Organization, Inc.
Dear Sir Joshua Manifest Destiny Kelson, III of Cambridge,
and Selection Committee,
I am writing on behalf of Ms. Kristiane Madsen regarding her
aptitude for participation in Sir Joshua Kelson Harem Organization, local
chapter #1432. I have known Ms. Madsen for approximately one hour and seven
minutes and in that time it has become apparent to me that Ms. Madsen is
exceptionally qualified for your organization. Although Ms. Madsen’s skills and
aptitudes are too extensive to adequately describe here, I will offer a few
highlights for your consideration.
First, I have noted excellent use of personal hygiene in Ms.
Madsen. Though she readily confesses that she does not wash her hair every day,
she takes great care to use dry shampoo in such instances, thereby saving the
public from greasy, droopy locks. Moreover, I personally saw her dispose of a
used bandage in a trash receptacle than throwing it on the floor. Such courtesy is
a tribute to her character, to be sure. Ms. Madsen also sports a clean bill of
health, excepting an unfortunate bout with exercise-induced asthma. However,
she carries this tribulation well and has only complained about it 72 times
these past 68 minutes.
Additionally, Ms. Madsen only rarely participates in cat
fights. When unprovoked, she will simply stand by and watch while quietly/seductively
eating popcorn and Red Vines. Alternately, she gives it all she’s got when
provoked, and all she has got is a lot if the past 69 minutes have been any
indicator. She is also reportedly proficient in regards to physical
altercations with women; indeed, her reputation precedes her. She is surely one
of America’s Most Wanted and you should want her too. Should you have any
questions regarding Ms. Madsen, or would simply like some unqualified, non-research-based
advice on how to get the most from your life, please feel free to contact me
personally.
Best Wishes and Fishes,
Marguerite Brunheild
Professional Belly Dancer / Life Coach / Personal Assistant
to the Stars
Belly Bodies, LLC
